Desire Slump

Question: I am married with two kids and feel like my desire has just plummeted.  I love my husband and we have a great relationship, but we just don't seem to have much sexual energy or connection anymore.  Help!

Response: Thanks for writing!  This is very common.  In fact, this is probably THE most common concern for women.  Studies show that up to 75% of women experience this problem.  You're overwhelmed, you're exhausted, and you don't have the desire that you used to.  However, it's very important to keep this part of your marriage active, as long dry spells can have a lasting effect on marriages.  What can you do about it? Here are some helpful tips to get you in the mood again:

  1. Talk to your husband about sex.  Not just about sex in general, but about your sex!  HOW?? It’s okay if you’re a little embarrassed.  Talk to him about your desire concern and talk about what you each enjoy.  Talking about it will get you thinking about it.  This process may lead to emotional intimacy, which may lead to physical intimacy.  

  2. Learn what you like and enjoy.  If you enjoyed sex more, you might desire it more. 

  3. Pillow Talk. Make the bed an intimate experience.  This creates more emotional + physical connection, which helps women with desire.

  4. Increase your SEXUAL SELF-ESTEEM. Work on your confidence and work on embracing your sexuality.  Work on reducing feelings of embarrassment about body parts and develop more confidence with nudity.  

  5. Have sex anyways. The more you have sex, the more you will want to have sex.  Also, set time aside to be intimate and try to get in the mood once you made that time.  Of course, do not have sex if you are upset or angry.

  6. Relationship with husband could use improvement perhaps?  Studies have shown that women who report high levels of “love” report high sexual pleasure.  So, work on your relationship.  Plan a date night and/or talk about your issues.

  7. See your doctor to rule out any concerns about low testosterone, estrogen, or thyroid issues.  


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