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Difficulty With Orgasm

Question: I enjoy having sex with my husband, but sometimes don't orgasm.  I don't think it's a big deal and enjoy it anyways.  This really bothers him and he often remarks that he wishes we could work on this.  Why does he care so much if I'm fine with it?

Response: Thanks for writing! First of all, this is a common question.  Interestingly and not surprisingly, according to the latest edition of the Journal of Sexual Medicine in an article entitled Sexual Satisfaction, Sexual Compatibility, and Relationship Adjustment in Couples: The Role of Sexual Behaviors, Orgasm, and Men's Discernment of Women's Intercourse Orgasm, men were significantly more sexually satisfied when their partners had more orgasms (especially vaginal orgasm).  So your husband sounds very typical that he enjoys sex more when you do orgasm.  

Secondly, according to this same article, women were more sexually satisfied when they too had orgasm.  I think it's worth a little more effort to work on truly figuring out how to make your orgasms more reliable for the both of you!  

Allow yourself to be the "center of attention," give foreplay lots of time, let him get you warmed up, and try to pay attention to what works for youand why when you are successful.  Then you can work on replicating this for the future.  One of the main things I see is that women give up quickly on their own orgasm.  They often feel that it is taking too long or that they should just cut to the chase in order that they can get to sleep.  

Making this a priority will also help you with the focus and attention you need to make this happen more regularly.  Having more frequent orgasms will help him enjoy sex more and will help you as well.  


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