Orgasm Difficulties

Question: I am able to orgasm very easily through masturbation, but not at all with my husband. Sex, and really any romantic touch, is a chore and not something I'm ever in the mood for. It's not painful, it's just un-enjoyable and I have zero desire for any of it.

Answer: My hunch is that you are having a hard time with letting him in and losing control.  For most women who can enjoy themselves and masturbate successfully but not with a partner, they have a hard time letting go of the control.  I would bet that sex feels very vulnerable and that is why you have zoned yourself out of the pleasure.  The good news is that you know what works for your body!  The bad news is that you have essentially dissociated with the pleasure you could feel by being together.  I would slowly teach your husband what you like.  Start slowly to let him in.  Gradually relinquish control and teach him the skills at the same time.  Rather than cutting him out, I would focus your efforts on integrating him.  For the sake of your marriage, I would try to incorporate him into more of your sexual experiences rather than excluding him.  This may be hard on your own to accomplish, so consider also reaching out to a sex therapist in your area to help you with this transition.  


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