Question: I just started dating this guy and I think he's objectively good looking, but I'm not feeling attracted to him yet. My friends keep telling me that I'm crazy because he's good looking! AKK what do I do? Keep dating him or call it quits?
Response: Thanks for writing! This is such a common phenomenon. So many times for women, attraction really does grow. For men, desire is more or less either there or it is not. However, attraction for women is more complex and relates more to emotional connection and intimacy. As you get to know him further and you begin to like his personality more, you have a good likelihood of the attraction growing.
Interestingly, according to the recent edition of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, in an article entitled Perception of Men's Beauty and Attractiveness by Women with Low Sexual Desire, the researchers found that women with low desire were able to state that a man had "beauty" and the same rate of women with normal levels of desire. However, women with low sexual desire had a lower ability to rate a man as "attractive."Perhaps this might be relevant for you? Do you feel that your desire is lower than average? Do you feel that you have a low level of sexual thoughts and fantasies? Perhaps your low attraction to this man is indicative of low sexual desire in general. If so, talk to a gynecologist to get some hormone testing, change your birth control or medications, and to discuss these concerns. Or speak to a sex therapist about psychological and emotional reasons that may contribute to low sexual desire.
If you feel that your desire levels are normal, give this relationship some time to develop. If things don't start to spice up in the next few months, then you probably gave it your best shot.