Sexual Intimacy when Trying to Conceive

Sexual intimacy can become a challenge to any couples at some point in their relationship, but couples struggling through the diagnosis and treatment of infertility are even more put to the test.

What was once fun, spontaneous, and rousing has become calculated, mechanical, and arduous.  Now, it has become this maddening pressure, a means to an end, to achieve the lofty goal of conceiving a baby. Sex is timed around menstrual cycles, instructed by doctors on when and how often, or "performed" in the doctor's office without even having the loved one in the same room.

Here are some tips on how couples on their infertility journey can renew their affection and passion:

  1. Make time and effort together  Get on the same page about what is lacking in your sex life. This requires the two of you to talk candidly about your desires and wishes, your fears and vulnerability.

  2. Share intimate moments, however small  Things don't always have to be hot and heavy. Hold hands when out in public, caress each other while watching TV, cuddle before falling asleep, etc. These tender moments may lead to something more sensual and impassioned.

  3. Reclaim passion by making time for fun  Think back to the days before the struggles of infertility -- what were your common interests? Enjoy activities the two of you used to love and discover new adventures together.

  4. Make sex about pleasure again, not about procreating  By removing the pressure of conception, you can relax and have sex simply for the pleasure of having sex.

  5. Reaffirm your love and gratitude  Increasing emotional intimacy can naturally reignite sexual intimacy. 

Infertility is intensely painful and heart-wrenching. Build each other back up with kind words of love and gratitude. Excerpt from "Preserving Sexual Intimacy Amidst the Stress of Infertility."


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