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Unconsummated

Question: We've been married for two months, and my husband and I still haven't consummated our marriage. We try, it just hasn't worked yet. Should we go to therapy, or just keep trying?

Response: This sounds like a difficult situation indeed and it sounds like you have been doing the best you can on your own until now.  At this point, I would recommend going to a therapist.  I would also recommend going to a gynecologist to determine what could be the issue.  There are some purely physical reasons sex could seem impossible such as an abnormally thick hymen or other things, but these conditions are quite rare.  Additionally, the doctor will assess if there is any other issue of genital pain.  

However, what is likely is that you might have something (might) called vaginismus. This is treated with therapy and with dilators. You can see more at www.vaginismus.com in case this sounds like you. Vaginismus is due to emotional/mental anxiety manifested in the vaginal muscles. You could have fear of intercourse, anxiety about sexual touch, or fears about intimacy.  This may or may not be a result of trauma.  The good news is that this is treatable with a good gynecologist, a sex therapist, and a pelvic floor physical therapist.  

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