16 Ways to Increase Your Desire in Time for Valentines Day

Many women struggle with low desire and want to kick it into higher gear at this time of the year.  Here are some ways to improve your desire that are evidence-based.  

  1. Exercise

  2. Get more sleep

  3. Reduce your substance use

  4. Increase your self-esteem

  5. Accept your body shape and size

  6. Work on reducing your sexual fear.  Think about: What am I really afraid of? and work on combatting that fear either on your own or in therapy.

  7. Work on reducing any symptoms of depression

  8. Work on treatment of chronic pain.  Has this been on the back burner for a while?  Have you been struggling with an achey back?  Maybe now's the time to go to physical therapy or talk to your doctor about this.  

  9. Reduce external stressors such as being overworked or having financial difficulties.  Talk to your boss about your workload and work on tightening your budget or speaking to a financial planner.  These external stressors might be what's keeping you awake at night worrying rather than relaxing and enjoying your spouse. 

  10. Work on eliminating pain during sex.  Check on this article on What to do When Sex Hurts or this article on How to Talk to Your Doctor about Sex.

  11. Increase your comfort with thinking about sexual fantasies.  What interests YOU sexually? 

  12. Work on your orgasmic capacity.  The first step will be to get to know your body by self-exploration.  When you know what you like then you can share that with your partner.  

  13. Try to add a little novelty or variety into your sexual encounters.

  14. Try to incorporate your preferred sexual situations and activities into your encounters with your partner.  

  15. Talk to your partner about what you like, what you enjoy, and how things are for you.  Focus on the positive.  

Eliminate any emotional and physical abuse.  Seeing a therapist will help you with this goal. 


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