Question from reader: I am 26 years old, married, and love my husband very much. However, despite many attempts, I cannot reach orgasm either with him or on my own. It is very upsetting and I am starting to feel helpless and hopeless. Sex is pointless when I know it doesn't reach anywhere. What should I do to get us out of this rut?
Response: Thank you so much for writing. I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties. When you say that you are feeling helpless and hopeless, it makes me think that you could be feeling somewhat depressed. This certainly can be contributing to your sexual difficulties. Perhaps addressing these feelings are an important first step.
Additionally, would it be possible to shift your attention from orgasm to giving and experiencing pleasure and connection with your husband. Would it be possible to say "I don't care if we reach orgasm, let's just enjoy each other and being together." Discover what feels good without the pressure of an end-goal. And give yourself some time at this. This type of attitude significantly increases your chances of ultimately reaching orgasm.
There are many possible reasons why you may not be reaching orgasm that can be worked on with a clinician. With becoming more educated about your body, improving your relationship, learning relaxation techniques, and increasing positive thoughts, you may be on your way to an orgasm in no time.